This is a guest post by author and coach Kelly McIntyre.
Most of us prefer to get along with people at work, our families and friends and we often bite our tongue when we might not agree with something that was said - for the sake of peace. But how often are we biting our tongues or rephrasing or dismissing our real thoughts in order to maintain harmony?
How do we know if we are a people pleaser? Consider these questions:
• Do you agree to do something before thinking about how it will affect your schedule?
• Do you leave conversations feeling beaten up and drained?
• Do you feel like no one really knows you?
• Does it take a lot of energy to mentally prepare for a social engagement, even rehearsing what you might say ahead of time?
• Do you become angry with yourself after something that you said that wasn't "perfect"?
Executing good manners is necessary when you are out in the world. Listening, being polite and treating others with respect will afford us more confidence, acceptance and friends as we interact in society. But just as we listen, are polite and treat others with respect - we must treat ourselves with the same level of honour.
If you want to shake off the people pleasing tendency and if it is your goal to enrich your relationships - share more of yourself!
There is a time and a place for sharing our thoughts on politics, religion and other topics that are open to becoming passionate and heated discussions but that is right - there is a time and place. So when these moments come up share more about your ideas and what you believe in.
Just like you sit and often consider other people's views, give others the chance to listen to you. We are all entitled to our thoughts. Trust that the listening party is going to accept you - they may not agree with your thought but don't you want to be surrounded by people who know you and what you think?
We have the power to create more of what we want in our lives! Imagine if all of the people in the world did this: found their voices, shared themselves and lived truthfully - how rich our societies would be!
You are here for a reason! Embrace your voice and embrace your life!
Kelly McIntyre M.Sc.
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